So I am really terrible on keeping up on my blog. Mostly because I don't care enough. But I was looking over the few attempts I have made at my blog posts in the past , and they are so horrible.  I am sorry to anyone who actually read them.

This is my first blog in a while. Much has happened since I last posted.

Kevin and I have been living with his parents.
We went to Ukraine ( maybe I should blog about that)
I went to Chicago for the first time. Awesomeness.
Kevin and I have been married for a year!
We are moving to Modesto on Friday.

Kevin and I in Ukraine.

I feel like I have no direction at all.
I am starting Modesto Junior College in a week.
I have been in school for so long, I wish I could figure out what I want to major in, so I could just be done with the whole college thing, but since I am so bored with life, I figure  I might as well kill time in class.
I am looking for a job, but have no experience besides Coffee, and I will sell drugs before I go back to working at Starbucks.

My life is totally boring. I am totally bored. Maybe that is my problem, I am boring myself.

Maybe I will challenge myself to go out and do things and enjoy life again. I will blog about it if it ever happens. But for now, I will just sit in my room and finish reading Mockingjay. Super good book. Most definitely not boring.

Ok so I stole this from Jamie Ogletree and YES this TOTALLY reminds me of those myspace serveys! I loved those! haha. Well since I cant really think of anything to blog about I am going to throw this up :] 


A. Age: 24
B. Bed size: Queen...but we need a king for sure. . 
C. Chore that you hate: Dishes and laundry. 
D. Dogs: One. Rusty :]
E. Essential start to your day: Taking Rusty outside for a walk. Since he is usually the one to wake me up. 
F. Favorite color: Purple. 
G. Gold or Silver: I used to absolutely hate Gold, but now I love it, and I also still like silver, so i guess my answer would be both. ( I agree! )
H. Height: I dont really know. I think like 5 7. I feel short around Kevin tho ;]
I. Instruments you play: I dont play anything. I wish I could. and yes i was one of the recorder kids in 4th grade lol
J. Job title: Job hunter, Wife, bum
K. Kids: Zero 
L. Live: Modesto 
M. Mother’s name:Teressa
N. Nicknames: Shay, Victory, LaShayShay, ShayBayBay, NaeNae, Sharzard, ShayRay.... the list goes on
O. Overnight hospital stays: nope. 
P. Pet peeves: bad drivers. more specifically, people who dont know how to drive in round-abouts.
Q. Quote from a movie: "I think I saw a boot come out of him"
R. Right or left handed: Right handed.
S. Siblings: younger brother, he is 23
U. Underwear: i like comfy undies. 
V. Vegetable you hate: I love veggies
W. What makes you run late: I dont like to run late. But if i do, it is usually because I overslept. 
X. X-Rays you’ve had: arm. 
Y. Yummy food that you make: tacos! 
Z. Zoo animal: tigers

Happiness is an attitude.

"Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same". Each day, when we wake up, we have the power to have the best day possible. Even though it may begin like any old boring day, wake up, eat a bowl of cereal, its going to be hot so i already know i will be pissed at some point in the day.  OR It can become one of the greatest days we have ever known. God has blessed us with each day.He blessed us with today. What a gift. What did you do with this day? We don't know how long we have here and sometimes we get so comfortable in the routines of our daily lives, and we go from living to simply existing. We need to begin to wake our hearts and live to our fullest. And by fullest I don't mean doing what ever we want! Whatever our flesh desires. I already know the end of that story . That road leads to nothing but destruction. I am talking about living fully, with purpose. Realizing The Lord has given us this day. Is a pretty good way to start. This day is a gift from the Holy and living God. The best way we can live, is by serving Him. I know it sounds super cheesy and I hate speaking in "Christain-ese" , but it is the only truth that I know.  I have served the gods of my flesh . I have searched high and low. Looking for happiness.. looking for inner peace, whatever that is. From The Secret to the Law of Attraction. Seeking only joy in the things of this world, only the joys of the American Dream. Isnt that what we all want? Money? Success? Good looks? So we give anything to get it without realizing what it is costing us. I have done good and bad. I have tried to figure out how to be happy and how to take control of my life. Yeah that worked out well. The only thing I came to realize , not only do i not have control of my life... but i really don't have control of anything at all. If i eat well and work out and look good then surely I will be happy.. if I just have fun ... I will be happy. Isnt that what we are all looking for? Happiness?But what if there is more to the story? What if  maybe we are all searching for the wrong thing.... maybe we should not be on the pursuit of happiness , but on the pursuit of Holiness. "Be holy, for I am holy" (If you ever have time read the book by Jerry Bridges. amazing) We long to be happy and to have life all figured out. But the tighter we hold on to this life....the more we loose it. We lose ourselves and we forget why we are even here. We forget our First Love. We love the world and we forget that this world has nothing to offer us. We will not be here forever. As we have all heard " be in the world but not  of it. " It is so hard to keep that balance. To love God, and serve Him, and Love people but hate the evil of this world. It is such a battle. The more and more I try to figure it out...the more I confuse myself. Why cant I just be a perfect christian!? Serving Jesus and acting like him and loving Gods people ( when people really drive me nuts) Gah! haha. But I guess if I was perfect I would have no need for a loving savior. The more and more I try to be my best... the more and more I separate myself from God. " Hey God, I know your all knowing and you are in control of my life, but i think I can do a better job at it B.R.B" Yeahhh that works. Instead, I could simply be like "Oh Hey God, I am a human and I suck...HELP!" He loves us so much that He sent us a love letter. The Living Word! To tell us HOW to live, not because He is a mean God who wants to control us...but because he wants us to be happy. He loves us so much that he wants what is best for us. Everything we have had to "give up". Weather it be a bad relationship, or sex, or porn...something we thought was so good in the moment. Something this world thinks is great and Everyone Does It... but something that left us feeling empty and alone and broken. When we give these things up to God...its not because He wants us to stop having "fun"... its because He hates to see us, His people, settling for less. Why are you doing this? He must be thinking. " I love you so much and I want to make you whole,  I want to love you unconditionally and take care of you and lift you up. " Who wouldn't choose to fallow God. Maybe its pride? Maybe we dont want to do it becuase we have been told to do it, and "we don't need that" Or we think, Ok I know.... Ill change later.. i fallow God tomorrow. When I simply begin to spend time in the Word, or spend time and revolving my everyday around Jesus...I feel ok. I might not be happy and joyful everyday. But I feel ok. I feel like the days that I am living aren't for nothing. I feel like there is something bigger, Someone bigger... So I guess when we realize that we can live each day ... to our fullest... buy loving God and serving Him and doing everything to bring glory to His name... then we can actually really start enjoying life. :]] Ok yeah... I want to start to enjoy life, I want to start with God. I want to be happy with life. 

Sooo today I started my day off by cleaning and praying.. listening to worship music. I wanted to start my day off right. Spending time with the Lord always changes my perspective. I try to have life's questions always figured out. I need to understand everything!! And it drives me crazy, because its impossible. I can't figure out everything. Im not all knowing. Even though I think I am sometimes. But God, He knows everything. He MADE everything. HE spoke it into existence. There is so much more going on in the  world than the fact that I am mad because my air condition broke. I live in a constant mind battle. Trying to be positive, but when I just read about how awesome Jesus is.... and how amazing God is. The wonderful Lord who made the stars, who told the water in the ocean to only come up so high, who placed the sun exactly where it should be that it will not burn us alive but will not leave us dead in the dark .... He is perfect... He knows the answers. The sooner i have peace in that, the sooner I can be happy with myself and just enjoy what He has given me. 

Today I enjoyed Tea and Fellowship with my best friend Amanda:] It was pretty fun. We went to Teazer in Fresno. It was nice to just be out and about. Talking to an amazing person. We went to the Teazer in Riverpark. Riverpark is pretty cool on Tuesday nights in the summer. They host a farmers market. The market has booths with everything from face painting to hummus. Summer nights truly are the best. :]


So I was GONNA add a super cool picture I took today...but due to technical difficulties I guess I will just post one from the internet. :]

This is it.

"Bloom where you are planted."  A phrase I have heard many times, but have yet to really take it to heart. Pretty much everything about the town I currently reside has been bothering me.  Whether it be the scorching heat, or the rude drivers. It has all seemingly been taking its toll on me. But tonight I want that all to change.  I have been inspired. Deep with in my soul I have this urge to start being passionate about where I live. And right now, the place I live is Fresno. Oh, beautiful Fresno.  I feel like Fresno has been an annoyance, but I want to have a change of heart. For some crazy reason God has me (and my hubby) in Fresno. I don't know why...I have tried to leave, yet here I am...stuck...In Fresno. My goal over the next year is to find out why God has placed me here, in the No. I want to begin a journey and what better way to record it than to blog it. I have been planted here, I want to be more than just a seed , I want to be a living , breathing, thriving Flower. So here it goes, my mission, to fall in love with Fresno and to figure out why I am here.